During the crisis of divorce, most parents fear whether their children will emerge unscathed. Any reasonable and empathetic parent sincerely believes in the value of his or her children having a healthy relationship with both parents. Ideally, parents deliberately work on comforting and reassuring the children that no harm will come to them. At the same time, both try to strengthen their parent-child relationships without degrading the other parent or causing the children to feel divided loyalty. They encourage visits, talk kindly of the other parent in the children's presence, and set aside their own negative feelings to avoid causing the children distress. They are sensitive to the children's needs and encourage positive feelings toward the other parent. This outcome is the goal of not only the parents and children, but also the attorneys and judge involved in the case.
However, any number of events can destroy the fragile balance of peace between parents. If this happens, an injured parent may seek comfort by aligning with the children, especially since be or she may feel threatened by the children's love for the other parent. A pattern of alienation usually begins without any malicious or conscious intent to harm or destroy the relationship between the other parent and the children. Though most parents mean well, they are often unaware of how subtle behaviors and comments can hurt the relationship between the children and the targeted parent. Alienating parents however learn how to manipulate and use their children to hurt the other parent on purpose, and with a vengeance. This can include anything from outright telling the children their other parent does not love them and does not want to be with them, to destroying and hiding communication from the other parent, to simply refusing to act as a 'parent' when a child does not want to spend time with, or is rude to, the other, and empowering their child to do as they wish. (continue)
