I would like to welcome and invite you all to sign up for a username and begin blogging your story in the Split n Two community. To those of you who have already been blogging in our community, we thank you and will continue to keep you all in our prayers.

Your stories are extremely important, without them the world would never know how devastating parental alienation truly is. There are so many parent’s struggling alone or that might never know what parental alienation is, or what is happening to their loving relationship they once shared with their children after a divorce or high conflicted custody battle.

Split n Two will be revamping our blog community over the summer and will soon be adding additional information on Parental Alienation daily in addition to adding our own stories to our blogging community. For those of you still searching for support and education, we hope that it will be just that and much more. The daily updates will consist of a variety of information on parental alienation, the damaging effects of Parental Alienation and helpful resouces for the alienated parent and their children.

Regardless of how long you have been alienated from your children, your story needs to be known. There is no other way to show how devastating parental alienation truly is to everyone involved. It is also important to have a community where alienated children and parent’s can find much needed support , especially as they manuever through the court system and the painful daunting agony of a high conflict battle.  

We look forward to getting to know you all and reading your stories and as always will keep you all in our continued prayers.

Founder of Split n Two

Tawnya Maddox

It is now over seven years since the secretly planned separation for divorce began.  I now have just about seven months left before my third child turns 18 and the process to protect my parenting in family court ends.  The children’s mother has brainwashed my children to destroy their relationship that they once had with their father and their relatives on their father’s side.  I was a father who was involved in my 3 children’s lives for 13 years before it was all destroyed by my ex-wife.  My heartbreaking story was secretly started before the separation by my ex-wife having a secret affair that included my children with this other man to be the future step-father.  It is amazing that my 10 year old daughter who liked to tell about many things then did not accidentally share information about this other man with me.  This is a step-father that has gained all the time and access of my children through my ex-wife having full custody of my children.  The family court has challenged my time and access because of my ex-wife’s fears or false accusations and they have not challenged anything with the step-father who is involved with my children.  Yet, a family therapist who was recognizing PAS with my children and provided a court ordered report and then to have the court throw out this report in both Canada and in the US family courts.

It is all hard to imagine that your kids would turn against you.  I did not know much about divorce issues before my divorce was started.  My story is written and published to help share how this could happen and to help promote it as a case study that somehow the family courts will change and begin to recognize this horrible abuse being done as Parental Alienation(PAS).  It is a form of abuse.  Our society is not happy with bullying in the schools and creating new laws to stop it and our society should also take the same concern for this abuse through PAS which is hurting our children and families.

To check out my written story, read the book titled “Divorce Rape” by Abe C. Fathers.

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/abecfathers

Regards, Abe C. Fathers

She hadn’t believed the bonds of love between daughters and their mothers could break; that a daughter’s love for a caring selfless mother could be destroyed by the influence of their father, stepmother and grammy; but it happened.Like branches in full Autumn glory bent low with the accumulation of heavy snow, some snapped back upright shaking snow off their colorful leaves like confetti, but others cracked from the weight of it all and broke; fully severed from the tree.

Looking back, it was like a cancer that comes gradually and silently, until one day you are faced with damage to your being and a life-threatening illness. Barry, who’s depression and seething hatred had dominated their marriage once threatened “I’m gonna make sure these kids know exactly what I think of you and by the time they are teenagers they will hate you too”.She pitied him for being a hater ut didn’t believe he had the power to make his threat come true, or that her children would hate her. She chose to focus on the power of love instead to overcome all evil, and she kept moving forward.

She’d embraced motherhood from the start with every ounce of her being.She founded mothers groups and playgroups. She took her kids to beaches, parks, apple and pumpkin farms. Being divorced did not change her passion for parenting.She saved her pennies for vacations and road trips. She hosted craft parties, birthday parties and sleepovers. She bought them computers, electronics, phones, and party dresses. She made sure they had good relationships with doctors, teachers, administrators, guidance staff and other adults.She was involved in their schools like other caring patents, and was a milk n cookies mom with home cooked meals every night.She provided a loving home filled with laughter where their friends were always welcome and many happy times were had.She took them to church and instilled values of hard work and academic, providing a secure home life that allowed them to develop into honor students and mature individuals with part-time jobs throughout High school and into college.She even helped them shop for their stepmother and stepsiblings at Holiday time and brought them to visit Barry’s mother and grandmother to keep family values a priority.

Over the years her friends had observed that whenever the kids returned from a weekend with their dad, they were angry, conflicted, and distant.While married, Barry did things like mock 3 year old Tommy for crying on her shoulder, “Ohhh the baby has to run to his Mommy? Look at the sissy; the Mama’s boy”.This refrain resurfaced again when 5 year old Sally called from a weekend visit to Barry’s to tell her mom she lost her first tooth.“Oooohh look at the BABY who has to call her MOMMY…”There are many other ways he made it painful, even shameful for them to love their mother, care about her, or want to buy her birthday or Mother’s Day gifts.After she discovered that Barry had been driving the little girls around in the trunk of his Jeep so that he could fit all the stepchildren instead of taking two cars, he forbid them from telling her about their time spent with him, saying “It’s none of HER business what you do when you are visiting me” and he forbade them from bringing any of their birthday or Christmas gifts to their home with her.No wonder the kids were angry, conflicted and distant when they returned home after weekends with their dad.In a slow insidious way, they were made to feel she was insignificant, and worse, they began to adopt his hatred as their own without justification.When they became adolescents and begin to naturally individuate they added their anger to the scaffolding prepared for them and were told “You only have to put up with your mother until you are 18.Then you can leave her for good.”Like the discovery that all the stepsiblings had been sexually molested, it took a while for her to know the truth about the campaign against her.

“Grammy HATES you!” they told her once with slight sympathy and confusion, but as the years went by they began to parrot the abusive accusations she’d heard from Barry during their marriage.They called her a “psycho” (one of his favorites), sociopathic, abusive, addicted, and said she never should have had children.They said that 18 years with her was long enough, just like their father.That’s how Sally put it in a note she found on the floor of her empty bedroom.She’d also schemed that “when both of us are gone, then everyone will know it’s YOU that has a problem.With BOTH daughters leaving you, no one will believe that you are normal! Have fun with that”. It was exactly the kind of rhetoric she’d heard from their father in his threat about making the kids hate her one day.They have also written off their brother and other extended family members who do not align with them in hatred, thereby missing out on not only great maternal love and caring, but the love of their brother and many aunts, uncles, and cousins.

Somehow, she musters the strength to have joy daily, despite the chasm that exists in her family.She has an uncanny ability to smile at the future and not be stuck in brokenness and despair and brings joy where she goes often catalyzing the good in others.Truth is a choice.She knows her daughters have not chosen to see or know the truth yet and that it may never happen; truth will be a painful and difficult choice for them.But her life is good and she surrounded herself with friends and loved ones like hot chocolate and warm blankets.She has have learned the secrets of forgiveness and pushing past broken pieces of life.  But PAS is real and will haunt her forever.

“THE PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME IS THE DELIBERATE ATTEMPT BY ONE PARENT TO DISTANCE HIS/HER CHILDREN FROM THE OTHER PARENT AND IN DOING SO, THE PARENT ENGAGES THE CHILDREN IN THE PROCESS OF DESTROYING THE AFFECTIONAL TIES AND FAMILIAL BONDS THAT ONCE EXISTED…”

***This is a little page out of my story and it has now been almost 4 years and still my children and I are living apart***

I am the Mother of 3 beautiful children, Taylor (now 18 a senior in high school-he was just graduating 8th grade when I was last living with him,he was loving towards me and we had a typical normal loving Son and Mother relationship, he now hasn’t even said Mom in about 3 years, no phone calls, when I call him he says nothing and acts like I should not even be calling him and its bothering him. We have no relationship at this point, I don’t even know him anymore.) Mackayla ( now 15 and a freshman in high school-she cried when I had to go-she was 10 years old-her and I had it all figured out-we would see each other every other weekend and we even made a calendar and put all her soft ball games so I would not miss her first year playing on a school softball team. I promised her we would always be Mommy bug and Macky bug and now that her Dad and I were going to have separated lives we could spend more quality time with her and her sister and brother for when we were together it would be just about me and u- I promised we would forever be together and that it would all work out) and Kelcie ( now turning 9 in April- she was 4 turning 5 a week later when I left and  I had been telling her that Mommy and Daddy are going to be living apart and we will see each other, half  the time she would be with Dad and the other with me, so she kinda new something was happening and changing. Kelcie was always my little shadow. Were I went she went and that was that, and I loved it. Being my 3rd child and so far apart from her brother and sister it was just different with her, maybe because I was 30 when I had her and not 21 and so young when I had Taylor, for what ever reason she slept with me since the day she was born and never left my side until I left 4-22-07, that day I left we arranged for her to go up the street to play with her girlfriend and she loved when she got to go play with Anna, I kissed her and hugged her so tight, she probably thought okay Mom I will see you when I get home. I told her I would see her soon and I tried to explain as best as I could I would not be home for her that night or the next morning, I never imagined it would turn to be now 3 years 10 months and 20 days I have not been at home with her at night or be there for her to do her hair in the morning… she is my brave one. When we do see each other she sings me songs about life and how she wishes her Dad would let her see her Mom more and why does life have to be so hard. She is so grown up for her age. She sings beautifully!!  I have red hair and all 3 of my children have my red hair. Everyone says me and Mackayla are spitting images of each other. I miss them….

ONE OF THE WORST OF TIMES THAT STILL BREAKS MY HEART BUT YET THE BEST OF TIMES I WAS ABLE TO SPEND WITH MY LITTLE SWEET KELCIE….
 In 2008 while living in Lake County I would once or twice a week help out in Kelcie’s class room, she was in Kindergarten. I would never tell her the night before just in case I couldn’t be there, so I would wait for her in front of where the drop off is. I would be so excited to see her and to surprise her.. I would see the white truck, coming down the hill, they would turn into the driveway of the school and that’s when she would see me…SMILE SMILE ALL OVER HER FACE.. She would almost jump out of the truck to get out  and she looked so precious with her backpack almost bigger than her little body and then she would take my hand and take me to all her friends and she would not let go of my hand for nothing. Their so cute at this age.  So then all the kids in her class would try to hold my hands as well, at times I would be standing in their line up line after lunch or recess and I looked like that game twister.. I chuckle writing this cuz it was just so fun and I was so happy to for once at that time it was only a year without Kelcie to only be in that moment, be a Mom and enjoy my little girl. But then it was so short lived, her class would end right after lunch around 12:30 and in the grade all the kids sit on the floor in a circle so I would sit with Kelcie in my legs or next to her but sometimes I would help Mrs.Underwood by grading papers or what have you and Kelcie would get mad and start to cry that I was not sitting with her, and the closer to lunch the more she cried and at times Mrs. Underwood (a very wonderful teacher,”Thank you Mrs. Underwood”) would take her in her arms and say “Kelcie YOU HAVE TO ENJOY THIS TIME WITH YOUR MOM AND  NOT BE SAD, SHE WILL COME AGAIN.”
Mrs.Underwood would just hold Kelcie in her arms in a bear hug like and console my daughter’s broken little heart. I would just take her in my arms and hold her so close, so tight and I could of held her Forever right then and would have never let go if it weren’t that I had to try to be strong and for her sake comforting in that I would be back and that we had fun right. I know you are sad and miss Mommy and I wish we could always be together and Dad will be here soon to pick u up so if he sees you crying like this he maybe will make it so I can’t come to your school anymore, I would tell my precious daughter. I never said anything bad about their Dad but sometimes I had to say the truth and the truth is their father has made it so I was not at their birthday party’s ,holidays, etc.  So Dad pulls up I would kiss her goodbye and her sad little eyes she would say “Bye Mom, I love you.” and I would fight back the tears till I watched her walk away, get back in the white truck and drive off.” I would watch the white truck till it was no more in sight…Then the tears would come and I would walk off from the school crying to my self and wonder How could this have happened to us, just how come!!  How happy, sad of times those days were for me and my Sweet Little Kelcie… She is my brave one!!

UPDATE: Sorry I just posted this but I forgot to include my email address and I also would like to say to all those non custodial parents and their children who hurt and suffer like me I hope someday the hurt stops, your heart heals and your reunited with your children/ parent again. My email address is dpaulson1971@yahoo.com.

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My sons are now 16 and 17 and their dad moved out on Mother’s Day of 2005.   My younger son was by far the most effected by the ugliness and I have not seen him in three years.  The older boy and I retained a close relationship until about 6 months ago, when his dad pulled a stunt that resulted in him leaving as well (LONG story there).  At least the older son and I have spoken a few times since then.  I send both boys e-mail messages regularly, however most of them get ignored, especially from the younger son.  Maybe if I had known about PAS years ago, it might have made a difference.  I knew very well back then how sick my ex was (is) – that he is extremely narcissistic and quite capable of abuse, especially very sneaky and insidious emotional abuse.  Still losing my sons this way was SUCH a shock!  I began reading about PAS only a month or so ago and am amazed at how widespread this issue/condition actually IS!

I’ve had many financial challenges since the divorce, was laid off and really couldn’t quite afford the house WITH a job, let alone without one… lost the home to foreclosure recently and now am staying with a friend.  Given that I’m not in a position for the boys to live with me anymore, I’m not concerned with fighting for that right now, they’d refuse anyway.  At the same time, for obvious reasons I don’t intend to consent to giving  full custody to their sick dad either.  What a confusing mess!

Questions:

I do continue sending e-mail messages to my sons regularly, however it becomes difficult to even know what to say to them in these messages.  Honestly I feel furious with them to have turned against me in this way.  They are no longer babies, smart boys on the verge of adulthood.  I love them and always will, yet my anger over their awful behavior makes it difficult to say ‘I love you’ to them right now.  Of course I do love them, ache for them daily and yet -  to say those words now feels almost like saying …’sure go ahead and walk on me kid, I’ll love you anyway’ which is true and yet feels absurd.  Make sense?  So what DO I say in these messages???

Also, my ex has stopped communicating with me at all over the past months, tells me absolutely nothing about the boys.  However I have received a couple of e-mail messages from his attorney.  He actually says that I am in violation of the parenting agreement by moving and not informing my ex of my new address!  Right, after years of ‘dad’ totally ignoring the ‘parenting agreement’ he has the nerve to point a finger at ME!  Right now I am stalling, did respond (to the attorney) but did not give him my address.  I explained that many items including cash and a set of car keys disappeared from my home prior to moving (true) and that I feel safer that he does not know where I live at this time.  I also did make it clear to this attorney that his client (my ex) has violated of the custody agreement numerous times and refuses communication with me.  I’m certain that the reason they want my address is to ‘serve me’ legal paperwork in attempts to change custody.   It’s a matter of time before my evil ex and his attorney take their next step.  Meanwhile I have zero money to hire my own attorney, so…  what to do???   Shall I end up in a courtroom representing myself?  Any advice is VERY appreciated.

THANKS so much and BLESS you all!

Amputated Mom

Also known as a “madness shared by two” Folie à deux is a delusional disorder shared by two people; who have close emotional ties. Commonly the stronger, more dominant person develops a delusion and induces it in the other. The condition generally remits if the dominant person is treated or if the two are separated.

• Folie imposée- is where a dominant person (known as the ‘primary’, ‘inducer’ or ‘principal’) initially forms a delusional belief during a psychotic episode and imposes it on another person or persons (known as the ‘secondary’, ‘acceptor’ or ‘associate’) with the assumption that the secondary person might not have become deluded if left to his or her own devices.
• Folie simultanée- describes either the situation where two people considered to suffer independently from psychosis influence the content of each other’s delusions so they become identical or strikingly similar, or one in which two people “morbidly predisposed” to delusional psychosis mutually trigger symptoms in each other
• Folie communiquée- The recipient develops psychosis after a long period of resistance and maintains the symptoms even after separation. The mental status exam may be consistent with hypervigilance, obsessive thinking, brooding, rumination, anxiety, and lack of reasoning.
• Folie induite- New delusions are adopted by an individual with psychosis who is under the influence of another individual with psychosis. The mental status exam would be similar to one of a psychotic patient, namely, paranoia; lack of reasoning, judgment, and insight; and poor relatedness. Limited eye contact, bizarre mannerisms, and magical thinking may be apparent on assessment.

Paranoid disorders and the spread of delusional ideas to family members have been in literature since the 17th century. Few people in close association with deluded individuals acquire their delusions as attested by the rarity of published cases of only 100 reports of folie a deux from 1877 to 1942 and 280 cases from 1943 to 1996. Many cases may go unnoticed because they are classified individually or because only one member of a pair is admitted. The more a hospital is oriented toward family evaluations and diagnoses, the more likely a partner in a shared psychotic disorder will be found.

Folie a deux has been implicated in such notorious or bizarre events as the serial killers Ian Brady and Myra Hindley,Fred and Rose West;mass suicides of the People’s Temple cult in Guyana (912 people in 1978),Heaven’s Gate cult recently; The League of Geniuses,the Men in Black “seen” by flying saucer watchers/alien abductees and even Adolf Hitler and the German nation. Suicide Pact in Dublin of the Mulrooney (Mullrooney in a register) family.

There are marked similarities between what transpires in the developement of a folie a deux and the process of brainwashing. Three phases are present in both. The first phase may be viewed as the “disorganizing or regressive phase” and consists of the breakdown of existing defenses and resistances. In brainwashing and folie a deux, this is accomplished through social isolation, sensory and ideational deprivation. During the second phase identification with the agressor, who is viewed as the rescuer, takes place. The submissive individual identifies with the dominant person who is carrying out the operation. The brainwashee is exposed to kindness and consideration during this phase. The third phase is the reindoctrination period. Constant monoideational stimulation is maintained until the individual who is in a submissive role incorporates the ideas. The second and third phases are only possible after the first has been successful.

FALSE ACCUSATIONS ASSOCIATED WITH PSYCHIATRIC DISTURBANCE

Not all false allegations are deliberately made. Allegations of sexual abuse may occur as part of a psychiatric illness. These individuals generally show other features of illness and will respond to treatment of the underlying condition. However, some may come to the attention of investigating authorities before the correct diagnosis is made. The division of mental illness into psychosis and neurosis, though imprecise, remains a useful distinction. As well as mental illness are the various forms of personality disorder which may exist independently of any mental illness but can cause significant impairment of social functioning. Psychosis is a mental disorder in which there is gross impairment of mental function to such an extent that insight, judgment and contact with reality are affected. The majority of sufferers experience delusions or halucinations, have conspicuous social and personality difficulties and generally do not recognize themselves as unwell.

Some custody disputes may be of this kind, in which a child takes on the delusion of the parent. Allegations involving children that were later found to be false often involve mothers with a psychotic illness. An allegation of sexual abuse is a potent weapon against a despised spouse and in cases where custody is disputed such allegations have a high probability of being false. That is not to imply that there are no true cases of sexual abuse in custody cases, merely that the context offers peculiar temptations to the adults. Divorce and disputes over custody form the background to about 50 percent of cases of false allegations of sexual abuse involving children. Typically, this kind of allegation is a deliberate manipulation by one parent to obtain custody, using the child as an instrument of directed deceipt.

Most often, the mother accuses the father of abusing the child and sometimes coaxes the child to confirm the allegation, but remember this can happen with a father against the mother. The studies in which the allegations against the mother have not yet been established in a more thorough setting, therefore this report relflects more recent studies of allegations against the father. In a study of two individual mothers the allegations were grandious and unfounded, and reflected the same results as those of a fathers.

Some children come to believe their stories, while others are simply suporting the parent. Not all accusations are as flagrantly dishonest and some arise from anxious misinterpretation of a child’s behaviour. Children who are torn between two parents frequently show signs of distress, which can be misconstrued as fear of the non-custodial parent.

PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME

Parental alienation syndrome (PAS, Gardner, 1985, 1986, 1987a, 1987b, 1989, 1992, 1998) is a disorder that arises almost exclusively in the context of child-custody disputes. In this disorder, one parent (the alienator), induces a program of denigration against the other parent (the alienated parent) or (targeted parent) However, this is not simply a matter of “brainwashing” or “programming” in that the children contribute their own elements into the campaign of denigration. It is this combination of factors that justifiably warrants the designation PAS.

When paranoia fuels PAS, the victim of the paranoid delusional system is often limited to the denigrated spouse, at least, this is the case in the early phases. With ongoing litigation, the paranoia may expand to all the people who provide support to the targeted parent. Typically, the paranoid system becomes illogical and preposterous; for example, that the targeted parent would perpetrate abusive behavior–and even sexual molestation, in front of court-ordered supervisors.

Often the PAS parent and the programmed child jointly entertain the same delusion. This is when it is referred to a folie à deux. This is a common occurrence in PAS. In such cases, the DSM-IV diagnosis of shared psychotic delusion (folie à deux) is warranted. There is probably a higher prevalence of paranoia in severe PAS indoctrinators than in the general population. Also, there is probably a higher prevalence of paranoia in abusive or neglectful parents than in the general population.

In psychosis of association, the submissive partner is being induced by the process of suggestion to accept the delusional ideas of the dominant one. Most cases of folie à deux show a pattern of dominance and submission. 90-percent of cases are reported to occur in families. The primary agent must be in close proximity, be a figure of authority or identification, and be in the early or less severe stages of psychotic decompensation in order to be in touch with reality enough to influence the other.

In addition, the secondary partner must derive some gain from adopting the symptoms. The underlying process is one of identification by the submissive party, which may be unconscious. Folie a deux is an example of a pathological relationship in which the dominant party strives to maintain a link with reality while the other fulfils dependency needs. The recipient is not necessarily entirely a submissive partner since in most cases, he or she becomes delusional after considerable resistance and this may affect the primary sufficiently to modify his or her delusions.

The secondary partner seeks to preserve the relationship with the dominant one by adopting her delusions because the threat of loss is greater than the fear of psychosis. All families share a common reality and family myths, which help the family to maintain a stable cohesiveness in the midst of internal or external threats. Criminal acts, false allegations, and parental alienation syndrome and suicide pacts can occur in shared psychotic disorder.

http://www.ipt-forensics.com/journal/volume2/j2_3_1.htm

http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/293107-overview

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Folie_%C3%A0_deux

http://www.parental-alienation.info/publications/41-paraliduetoashapsydisfoladeu.htm

http://millennium.fortunecity.com/sweetvalley/210/pas/pas2.htm

I have been through every allegation that there could be without the court, CPS, or the authorities coming to a factualized conclusion for anything. Me and my son have been victimized by the state of Michigan and the Family court system.

I am currently a grad school student going for my masters in clinical psychotherapy and my thesis is on Parental Alinenation due to a court order. I am looking for participants for my study and I plan to give the findings to all of the organizations that are fighting for equal parental rights and for the children of the parents that they have lost.

If you are, or have been a victim of parental alienation due to the court system and are interested in doing an interview, please contact me at amklvyldy@yahoo.com.  You would have to be in the area of OAkland, MAcomb, Genesee, Livingston, or Wayne Counties of Michigan, or willing to travel to them. It would last approximately 1-2 hours. Everything is confidential and I will not use your name if you are uncomfortable. Thank you for your support in this and I look forward to hearing from you and working to end Parental Alienation.

“A Dad’s Point-of-View” began about four years ago, when I was hired as a columnist for a local paper. At the end of 2008, I began my self-syndicating efforts to expand by sending out literally thousands of emails. The response was overwhelming as my column now appears in over 75 newspapers and Web sites here in the U.S. and internationally. There are sites carrying my column in the U.K., India, Canada, Mexico, Japan and Australia, and Israel. In addition, I’m one of the few male bloggers hired to write an exclusive blog for momlogic.com. It is called “Just A Guy.” I’ve also appeared on webcasts and radio talk shows in recent months.

The subjects I cover include parenting, raising boys, dating as a single parent, internet dating advice, marriage advice, blending families and dealing with step-parenting, all the ups and downs of separation and divorce, as well as the general parenting perspective from a man’s point-of-view which, I fervently assert, is different from a woman’s!

Check him out when you have time.