Typically, the AP has an agenda for turning the child against the other parent. It helps to counterbalance that parent's feelings of inadequacy, lack of self-worth, powerlessness, or merely being overwhelmed with the future prospect of facing judicial proceedings. It may include revenge, guilt, fear of loss of the child, or loss of the role of primary parent or the desire to have proprietary control over the child, as well as jealousy of the other parent, the desire to obtain "leverage" as to equitable distribution, child support, or alimony, a past history of abandonment, alienation, physical or sexual abuse, self-protection, or even the loss of one's identity.
In addition to hating the target parent, these children:
a. Hate the target parent for reasons which are often trivial.
b. Feel no guilt for their anger or for avoiding the other parent.
c. Use behaviors which may look rehearsed - parroting statements made by the alienating parent. Such statements may be beyond the childs age level and understanding.
d. May deny having any memory of positive experiences with the target parent during the visits, or at any time in the past.
e. The child often refuses to speak to the target parent, and states that it is their decision to hate the target parent or refuse visits, and deny that it has anything to do with the alienating parent.
f. Often refuse to give reasons for not wanting to see the other parent.
g. Are not prepared to forgive the target parent for their imperfections, large or small.
As research has shown, it is those children who are most caught in the middle between their parents who experience the greatest emotional and behavioral difficulties after the divorce. For them, being caught in the middle is more harmful than the divorce itself (Buchanon, Maccoby, and Dorbush, 1994). [Helping Children Deal with Divorce]
